Release

Work through joy through work
The goddess of religion dogma and guilt
Poor me, start joyful destiny, respite, guilt-free passion
Grant fear of freedom, sympathy, God and myself, God and myself
To another place from respect, joyful girl, thank you

And I’m ready to release on another day
I’m ready to respect the day today
I’m ready to respect myself today
I’m ready to release

Self-image confidence troubled, comfortable blame, touching
Partake with grace, jealousy, wisdom, unabashed joy and me, you, yum
Power transference to equality, letting go joy again
Loving do unto others as to yourself, thank you

And I’m ready to release on another day
I’m ready to respect the day today
I’m ready to respect myself today
I’m ready to release on another day
I’m ready to respect myself today
I’m ready to release

Male, female, innocent carefree, fate, honour and wrong
Success caressing a self-love, do to yourself as to others
Comfortable held release, comfortable held release…

And I’m ready to release on another day
I’m ready to respect the day today
I’m ready to respect myself today
I’m ready to release on another day
I’m ready to release myself today
I’m ready to release

Grant fear of freedom, sympathy, God and myself, God and myself
To another place from respect, joyful girl, thank you

~george: Release ~

The Mighty Lemon Drops & 21 Jump Street

When I was a pre-teen/ early teen I was a die-hard fan of the TV show 21 Jump Street. You know the one, with a totally hot and young Johnny Depp as an undercover cop pretending to be a high school kid.

As the years went by and 21 Jump Street started losing its popularity channel 9, as it does with most shows even nowadays, shafted it to some unforsaken time slot unsuitable for 13 year olds. I was left with no choice but to record them on my trusty VHS recorder and watch at a more civilised hour.

One day I sat and watched a particular episode I had recorded the night before and fell in love with a song used in the opening sequence. The credits told me it was by The Mighty Lemon Drops, but not the title of the song. As this was pre-Google days my quest to find this song was destined to be a long and unsuccessful one.

With The Mighty Lemon Drops at the forefront of my mind I trawled through record stores in an attempt to find some of their music. Eventually and amazingly I did and I bought Sound… Wouldn’t you know it, it didn’t have the song from 21 Jump Street on it, but it did become a regular in my CD rotation over the coming years.

And then I promptly forgot about my quest and The Mighty Lemon Drops.

Fast forward to 2016 when for some unknown reason I remembered my quest. Being a new age of technology I went into Spotify, searched and you guessed it, I found not only The Mighty Lemon Drops discography but that song from that episode of 21 Jump Street. It was called Where Do We Go From Heaven. I proceeded to listen to it on repeat and smile for I had finally reached the end of my quest some 25 years after it began.

 

Look! It’s on You Tube too. Squee!

Life, Love and the Whole Enchilada

For some time now I have been experiencing feelings of hopelessness. I have been on a path, a set path with set goals, and I have been searching to find, I don’t know, something. But the more I searched, the further I moved away from my goals it seemed.

2016 was to be my year, the year I finally set about to achieve that which has been missing in my life. I focused on shedding those things that made me unhappy and made decisions that would help to move me forward. Simplifying it, I had three areas I wanted to focus on: my living circumstances, my job, my lack of a relationship.

Now here we are in September. I look around and see how little I have actually achieved and it saddens me. I’m still in the same job and miserable, I still have no relationship nor any prospects for a relationship, and whilst I have moved into a new house, a house which promised so much more than my old one, the issues that were uncovered with it after I had moved in just make me want to move back into my old one. I feel exasperated by the whole thing; I feel confused as to why I cannot move forward; I feel defeated.

What compounds the situation is looking at my friend, who had the same goals and has achieved each and every one of them. Why has she been able to get what she wanted and I’m left flailing? I don’t understand, and trying to understand causes more angst within myself.

Earlier this year my musical idol, Katie Noonan, posted a picture on Instagram which read “comparison is the thief of joy”. I now understand the impact of this statement, especially after having written the previous paragraph. I know I have to stop comparing my life to my friends for the sake of my own sanity. However, even when I don’t make a comparison I still feel down. So really, I’m at a total loss as to what to do.

I know that things will happen when they’re meant to, but for the first time in years I feel ready for change. I feel ready to take the next step, I want to take the next step, and I really cannot be bothered waiting for the universe to get its shit in order so I can. Therein lies the problem.

She’s Bat-Shit Crazy! – Chapter 2

As part of my BFF’s bat-shit craziness over adventure b) (guy from Tinder in another state) the two of them actually discussed meeting. I, of course, was privileged to have a blow-by-blow detail of the planning phase.

I was privileged enough to watch as those plans altered from he’s staying in a hotel for two weeks, to he’s staying at her house for week…because what could possibly go wrong with a stranger from Tinder you’ve never met staying with you?!

I was privileged enough to be the support person for BFF each time adventure b) postponed the trip to Adelaide.

I was the privileged one who had to listen to her bat-shit crazy plans to cancel work and other things in preparation for all these non-trips by adventure b) to visit her. However, I did take the liberty of expressly telling her to not drop everything for him, especially work given her particular employment situation, because a) it was stupid and b) it would set a precedence for the relationship.

I was the privileged one. Yay me \o/

I digress momentarily…

BFF has another friend she spends a lot of time with other than me. This friend is younger than both of us and has two young children. For some reason unbeknownst to BFF or I, she doesn’t want BFF babysitting her kids. This has BFF quite upset. This week I needed a babysitter as I had to attend an after hours meeting for work, so I asked BFF if she could watch my young kids for an hour so I could attend. She agreed because she’s awesome. It also made her feel good that I’d asked.

Back on track…

The day before the babysitting was due to occur BFF and I had lunch together. She told me: “adventure b) is flying in tomorrow to see me when I’m supposed to babysit the kids, can you get another babysitter?”…

I did get another babysitter. And I didn’t speak to BFF for 3 days because of it.

For the last few years I’ve been struggling to deal with people who, for lack of a better phrase, shit on me. There have been a lot. As a result, I’ve culled my friendship base to include only those who have been genuinely supportive of me especially during and after my relationship with my abusive ex. This did not leave me with a lot of friends. To then have my BFF shit on me and my kids stung. A lot.

I told her I was upset and she indicated she understood, but she also made zero effort to contact me or make it up once adventure b) came to town. Yes, she is dickstruck but whatever the female version of the bro code is, she broke it.

The salt in the wound? It was my arsehole ex who ended up babysitting his kids for me. Now I owe him a favour.

My anger has subsided, but I still harbour a resentment towards BFF because of her actions which I know is stupid and wrong. I wish I could be the bigger person and pretend I didn’t care, but the fact is she is my BFF and I don’t pretend with her as she doesn’t with me. We are always 100% real with each other. So this is the first fight (if you can call it that) that we’ve ever had in our friendship, and it sucks.

If there was anyone in the world who I thought I could trust wholeheartedly it was her. And again, I’m left learning the lesson that the only person you can ever trust is yourself.

 

 

 

 

She’s Bat-shit Crazy!

It’s funny how you think you know someone and then something happens within their lives that causes them to act in a manner which you’ve never been privy to before.

My BFF I’ve known for a decade, possibly a bit longer. Ours is a friendship created at work which spilled into real life and was sustained even when we stopped working together. It is one of those friendships where we don’t have to see or speak to each other all the time in order to maintain it; the best kind of friendship. We support each other through tough times, laugh with each other through silly times and cry with each other through sad times.

During our friendship we each ended our respective long term relationships at one stage. She hated my ex and chose to just not spend time with the two of us together so as not to appear awkward. This was fine by me, as my other friends decided to distance themselves from me entirely due to him. Hers was a compromise I could accept. Oddly though, while she was in her relationship I only ever met her partner twice with excuses being made multiple times over why catch ups couldn’t occur. In time, I uncovered partially why that was the case, but even now when I bring up the fact she hid him from me I’m shut down in a heartbeat and the subject is changed.

Ultimately, I’ve primarily been witness to bestie as a single woman. As a single woman she is strong, independent, opinionated, beautiful, caring and sharing, among a myriad of other things.

In recent months bestie has decided, much like myself, to delve into the world of Tinder. Now, I’m familiar with the world of internet dating having tried it a couple of years ago briefly, bestie is not. As a result, I’ve been a sounding board for her with her various adventures. Now let me detail her adventures on Tinder over the last 4 months:

Adventure a) Guy shows interest. Guy is clearly a player. I tell Bestie guy is clearly a player. Bestie ignores me. Bestie falls head over heels. Bestie gets heart broken in less than a month. I don’t say ‘I told you so’.

Adventure b) Guy shows interest. Guy is not even in the same state. Bestie falls head over heels. After over 3 months of never meeting Bestie acts likes a possessive crazy woman dictating what he can and can’t do. I offer positivity when I can because I am scared stiff of telling her she’s acting nuts.

What have I learned from this? My BFF is bat-shit crazy in relationships and even in scenarios that aren’t yet relationships. It’s kinda scary. On the plus side, I now know the full reasons for having her shield me from her former relationship, if you can call that a plus side. Also, she makes me look positively sane. Regardless of all of that, I love her and will continue to support through this whole ordeal experience.

 

 

 

The Simple Things

After approximately two years, maybe more, I’ve delved back into the world of dating *sigh* It hasn’t been a complete success lets say, and unfortunately, I’m finding that the rejection that comes from it has a tendency to serve as a reminder of my own negative views of myself.

To be quite honest, my ex really fucked me up, and it’s taken me a long time to find confidence in myself again, so it doesn’t take a lot for me to slip into the abyss.

Three days ago I slipped into the abyss.

The day after, a random, unexpected simple gesture brought me back out of it.

When I came home from work, I checked my letter box and found a hand written envelope addressed to me. Given this is the age of electronic mail with predominately only bills arriving via post, I was a) confused, b) surprised, c) excited…actually d) all of the above. I opened it and discovered a beautiful card with a caricature of the Queen of Hearts on one side and a hand written note on the other. It was from one of my Twitter followers who lives almost 1500 km away; someone who I don’t speak to with any major regularity; someone who I have connected with and who has helped me out at various times; someone who I share common interests with; someone I call my friend. A handful of simple words from them made me stop, forget about all the negativity of the day before and remember how lucky I am to have such friends that look out for me, even if it is from afar.

Sometimes simple things like a guy not wanting to see you again can knock you down in a heartbeat, yet just as quickly simple things like an unexpected postcard from a friend can show you the light again and make you smile. The key is remembering to focus on the latter and being thankful for what you do have as opposed to what you don’t.

Happy Birthday MM

‘If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.’

~ Marilyn Monroe ~ 

Happy Mother’s Day

❤️

You Dirty Rat

An open letter to my real estate agent sent via email…

Good Afternoon,

It appears that over the course of the last 2 months since I’ve moved in, a menagerie has developed in my house, and it’s not a nice one unfortunately.

So far, I’ve caught and disposed of 1 giant rat (think lettuce head and I’m not exaggerating) and 2 mice. The rat thankfully was located outside because it was too fat to get in the house, but the mice were captured inside the house.

I’ve discovered a hole behind the bathroom vanity which seems to be one of their access points. I actually saw one of the rodents scurry back behind it which is what prompted me to get some rat sacks and mouse traps. It took about a month but it finally reappeared only to come to its demise just as quickly. Unfortunately, a second mouse was found deceased in my young daughter’s room over the weekend. She is quite scared now, and as a result refuses to go into the bathroom alone.

As mentioned, I’ve placed traps and rat sacks both inside and outside the house including in the shed and the rat sacks have been nibbled at confirming the presence of the rodents in case the dead ones inside weren’t sufficient evidence.

Whilst I understand that rodents outside isn’t unheard of and I’ve taken steps to deal with that issue, the fact they’re coming in is unacceptable so there’s a few things I’d like to propose. Firstly, I’d like the owner to arrange for pest control to deal with the situation and I’d like the hole behind the bathroom vanity to be patched up. I would do the latter myself but my handyperson skills don’t extend that far and I honestly don’t want to do any damage to the house or vanity itself. Secondly, I’d like permission to put security doors on the back room doors (lounge/dining) at my expense and possibly the laundry door, although that door isn’t a priority. Other than the rodents the amount of spiders, ants, crickets and geckos entering the house is mind blowing. I aim to choose a pair of doors which sit flush into the frame so that all the gaps that are present with the current wooden doors are no longer present thus stopping the unwanted creatures from getting in.

By the way, we have a pet gecko now. She roams freely through the house and at any given time I have no idea where she is, but on the plus side the amount of crickets and spiders in the house has diminished since her arrival. I intend on keeping her and hope that’s okay.

Thanks,

A.

After forty-eight hours I still hadn’t received a response from them. Instead, a letter arrived in the post advising me I was subject to a house inspection. Perhaps I should fish out the dead mouse from the bin and leave it as a special gift for their prompt action to my concerns?

 

Heidi

At my old house my shed was ‘the junk room’ of the house. It housed not only my car, but all those unpacked boxes that have traveled from house to house over the last couple of decades.

One day I was attempting to move those boxes when a gecko appeared from behind one and caused girly shrieks to be heard emitting from the shed. I wasn’t scared of it, I’ve always loved reptiles (sans snakes), it simply surprised me.

Over the course of the three years I was in that house, the gecko remained in the shed and would oft scare the crap out of me at random times. It particularly enjoyed crawling over my feet when I’d come home after a night out and opened the shed door to drive the car in. It was as if she was saying ‘hello, welcome home, please don’t drive over me.’ Soon we developed a happy medium and lived in harmony together.

When it came time to move out of that house approximately eight weeks ago, I naturally had to spend time in the shed to clear it out. Oddly I didn’t see the gecko during that time, and this made me a bit sad.

Towards the end of the move I was in the process of clearing out the final box which was in a filthy state. So I picked up a tarp which was hidden under a bench and put it in the boot of my car with the intention of putting the box on top. I opened the tarp and hello, there was the gecko. She ran off under the carpet and made herself at home. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I left her there hoping that I wouldn’t squash her.

About two weeks later after completing the final house clean, I packed all the cleaning products in the boot of the car, drove to my new home, unloaded the box and put it in the laundry. That night I walked into the laundry and saw the gecko on the wall. She’d hitched a ride in the box.

The next day, although I couldn’t find her, I told my children so they wouldn’t be frightened if she appeared one day. They proceeded to put water out for her in an egg cup and named her Heidi, because she hides a lot.