This Must Be The Place…

 
Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb – born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It’s ok I know nothing’s wrong… nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you’re standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up and say goodnight… say good night

Home – is where I want to be
But I guess I’m already there
I come home – she lifted up her wings
I guess that this must be the place
I can’t tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time
Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I’ll be… where I’ll be

Hi yo
We drift in and out
Hi yo
Sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I’m just an animal looking for a home and,
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I’m dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head

~ Talking Heads: This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) ~ 

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Lay it Down…

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And I don’t mind
Cause I speak my mind sometimes
And I think it’s time for me to try
To lay the blame where blame lies

I’ve been searching for whoever made me feel this way
 I’m not liking where it’s leading or who it’s leading to
‘Cause it’s you

And so I said I would speak the truth
But I didn’t think it would be to you
I guess I’m sorry I have to lay you down
But no one gets to push me around.

I’ve been searching for whoever made me feel this way
 I’m not liking where it’s leading or who it’s leading to
‘Cause it’s you

~ The Rubens: Lay it Down ~

Reading 26

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Row 1 – Man, Sun and Bird.

I’m experiencing fears and alarms with a man, however the Sun, which heralds optimistic outcomes, ends the long night.

Row 2 – Cross, Tower and Book.

Two occult cards beside each other (Cross/Tower) confirm that I’m being looked after and events still to be disclosed are destined.

Row 3 – Clover, Mouse and Scythe.

This is quite interesting – I’m lucky because the person who is having a negative impact on me will be cut out of my life.

Column 1 – Man, Cross and Clover.

There is luck and destiny with a man.

Column 2 – Sun, Tower and Mouse.

Optimistic outcomes regarding a negative person older person or person from my past.

Column 3 – Bird, Book and Scythe.

Fears and alarms, events as yet undisclosed and a sharp break. I can’t decipher what their combination may be alluding to.

Diagonal 1 – Man, Tower and Scythe.

My dealings with an older man or a man from my past will end.

Diagonal 2 – Bird, Tower and Clover.

I have fears and alarms however I’m being watched by the Gods so I need not worry.

Summary. 

A man, possibly an older man from my past, will play an important part in my week, he will be a source of fears and alarms as he has been a negative impact in my life. I will end my ties with him and the result will be positive. Happiness and luck is in store and there are events in the pipelines that are yet to unfold. Also, there is luck and destiny with a man?? It this a second man?

I Will Wear My Heart On My Sleeve…

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‘For, sir,
It is as sure as you are Roderigo,
Were I the Moor, I would not be Iago:
In following him, I follow but myself;
Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty,
But seeming so, for my peculiar end:
For when my outward action doth demonstrate
The native act and figure of my heart
In compliment extern, ’tis not long after
But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve
For daws to peck at: I am not what I am.’

~ Iago ~

William Shakespeare’s Othello (1.1.56-66)

The Art of Escape

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Kiss my lips,
Push me over into the sea,
Then jump in after me,
Let’s swim,
To the bottom,
Maybe we might find an open door connected to the ocean floor,

I could give it one more time,
Take my side,
As we perfect the art of escape,

So dam Bored,
Living on the 15th floor,
Choking on electric chords,
While you act like you know,
Everything about pleasure and Pain,
The sunlit rain,
When the only thing that’s sure is this unsteady ground.

I could give it one more time,
Take my side,
As we perfect the art of escape.

~ Hein Cooper: The Art of Escape ~

Tweet Tweet

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When I was on maternity leave in 2008/2009 I joined the world of social media and rapidly Twitter became my preferred method of communicating. It was a wonderful release, an escape, given none of my friends at the time had children and were unable to relate to me from that perspective. My reasons for remaining on Twitter morphed into something new as my relationship at the time began to disintegrate and my dependence on it and the people from it grew exponentially.

I am someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. With me what you see is what you get. I’m too honest for my own good and I’m too passionate and emotional also. All these qualities inevitably saw me eaten alive on that forum and, essentially, used time and time again. My inability to treat people poorly, and my assumption that people would in turn treat me well in addition to being honest with me was a rookie error from a Twitter professional. Because I was so invested in this online world I began taking everything personally and far too seriously. If I’m honest, due to my miniscule real life friendship base (quality not quantity), I still do, but I have also learned to put barriers up in order to protect myself from the inevitable deception, lies and abandonment that will follow from the people I interact with. But putting up barriers means that I’m not being my true self which in turn causes me to question my personal growth and overall wellness. It’s a catch 22 situation.

Twitter is a fickle whore who cares for nobody. Friendships, if you can call them that, are fleeting. It always starts the same: a common interest, chatting about said common interest, discovering more common interests. And ends the same: total saturation until the next person comes along to replace you and you’re forgotten about while you’re still holding on to that friendship.

That’s not how I do friendship, online or offline. I’m all in or its nothing and I’m like that with everything in my life. I’ve simply had the misfortune of connecting with the keyboard warriors who are more than happy to hide behind a screen and not consider other’s feelings. I’m not saying these people are nasty, but their narcissism prevents them from caring about those they interact with. They treat everyone like they’re disposable. But guess what? I’m not and being treated that way, time and time again, hurts.

Just recently I’ve been lucky enough to be at the receiving end of another dump and run friendship. The details are irrelevant beyond it followed exactly the same formula as described above. We were friends, good friends. I disbanded my barriers early on and was honest, forthright and candid however my expectations of the friendship were too great and this person slowly began to disappear out of my life as a result. I tried to prevent it from happening, commented on what was occurring, when it was occurring and also my feelings on the subject, and was greeted by a brick wall each and every time only serving to further accelerate their departure. And I feel like shit because of it.

I want to believe that my bad luck with friends in real life wouldn’t be echoed online, but the fact is, it has been. Every fiber of my being tells me that I should change my approach, the way that I am, but that would mean doing exactly that – changing who I am. I’ve been ashamed of myself for long enough that now, at the age of 38, I’m ready to start being proud so you know what? Fuck that! Accept me for who I am or go away. All I have to do is grow a thicker skin for when it occurs because until I permanently leave the forum it will continue to occur.

 

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‘I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.

~ C. JoyBell C. ~ 

Reading 25

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Row 1 – Lily, Fox and Moon.

Someone in my business/professional life is deceiving me. The Moon next to the Fox is telling me to refuse any propositions (probably in relation to my job) as they are a trap.

Row 2 – Road, Letters and Sun.

Something new/change and especially good news awaited will arrive (Letters/Sun) possibly answering a wish.

Row 3 – Flowers, Mountain and Cross.

Happiness with someone or something overseas is destined.

Column 1 – Lily, Road and Flowers.

A new direction in my professional life generates happiness.

Column 2 – Fox, Letters and Mountain.

I should be a bit cunning upon hearing news awaited from someone overseas.

Column 3 – Moon, Sun and Cross.

Beauty/Luck, optimistic outcomes and I’m being looked after by the Gods. Trust my instincts (I always do anyway).

Diagonal 1 – Lily, Letters and Cross.

News awaited about my professional life is destined.

Diagonal 2 – Moon, Letters and Flowers.

An invitation.

Summary 

This is an interesting reading which has me excited and a fraction confused.

The Lily in the first position indicates the following week will focus on my professional life. Ultimately, I needn’t worry as the Sun, Moon, Flowers and Cross suggest it will be extremely positive. My confusion lies in being deceived by someone in my professional life and happiness with someone/something from overseas. This is because I believe the person from overseas and the one in my professional life to be the same. Only time will tell if I’m correct. Also, I appear to be receiving an invitation (Moon/Letters/Flowers) which I should say no to (Fox/Moon), however the news awaited will be exceptionally positive. Whose to say the news is the invitation though, so again time will reveal the exact meaning of this.

Something is afoot at work at present and after this reading I feel it will come to a head this week. The Fox is causing some angst as to how to approach it. I think I’ll take heed and not reveal all my cards to anyone. I do believe the results in relation to everything will be positive.