Special Ones

Isn’t it funny how you never really screamed at my face
But your anger so unspoken and unchannelled permeated my essence
To the point where I don’t want to see you hear you, be anywhere near you
You probably think I’m threatened by you but your illusionary power doesn’t threaten me
Actually I think it’s kind of funny that you create an illusion that is a mirror
I don’t appreciate you and I know that surprises you
I suppose you see that those who follow their heart always win
Those with integrity have won the match before it’s begun

So rather than being kicked around, I’m goin’ to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I’m going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I’m going to cover my bases first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I’m going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones can ever get through to me

Some can see beyond the barrier of threshold
Whereas others can’t see beyond their sculptured mould
You offer me nothing, you could offer me nothing that I need
Do you think I’m asking too much?
A kind of respect and trust that shouldn’t even be questioned
How can I open my heart with dishonesty sitting next to me?
I’ve honoured your honour to the point of embarrassment
But innocence in the hands of the guilt-free is kicked to, is kicked to the curb
I was ashamed of my innocence, I was ashamed of my innocence
But now with clarity I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me

I don’t want to be angry
This is not worthy of me and now clarity I see that I can walk away, I can walk away

~ george: Special Ones ~ 


She’s Bat-Shit Crazy! – Chapter 2

As part of my BFF’s bat-shit craziness over adventure b) (guy from Tinder in another state) the two of them actually discussed meeting. I, of course, was privileged to have a blow-by-blow detail of the planning phase.

I was privileged enough to watch as those plans altered from he’s staying in a hotel for two weeks, to he’s staying at her house for week…because what could possibly go wrong with a stranger from Tinder you’ve never met staying with you?!

I was privileged enough to be the support person for BFF each time adventure b) postponed the trip to Adelaide.

I was the privileged one who had to listen to her bat-shit crazy plans to cancel work and other things in preparation for all these non-trips by adventure b) to visit her. However, I did take the liberty of expressly telling her to not drop everything for him, especially work given her particular employment situation, because a) it was stupid and b) it would set a precedence for the relationship.

I was the privileged one. Yay me \o/

I digress momentarily…

BFF has another friend she spends a lot of time with other than me. This friend is younger than both of us and has two young children. For some reason unbeknownst to BFF or I, she doesn’t want BFF babysitting her kids. This has BFF quite upset. This week I needed a babysitter as I had to attend an after hours meeting for work, so I asked BFF if she could watch my young kids for an hour so I could attend. She agreed because she’s awesome. It also made her feel good that I’d asked.

Back on track…

The day before the babysitting was due to occur BFF and I had lunch together. She told me: “adventure b) is flying in tomorrow to see me when I’m supposed to babysit the kids, can you get another babysitter?”…

I did get another babysitter. And I didn’t speak to BFF for 3 days because of it.

For the last few years I’ve been struggling to deal with people who, for lack of a better phrase, shit on me. There have been a lot. As a result, I’ve culled my friendship base to include only those who have been genuinely supportive of me especially during and after my relationship with my abusive ex. This did not leave me with a lot of friends. To then have my BFF shit on me and my kids stung. A lot.

I told her I was upset and she indicated she understood, but she also made zero effort to contact me or make it up once adventure b) came to town. Yes, she is dickstruck but whatever the female version of the bro code is, she broke it.

The salt in the wound? It was my arsehole ex who ended up babysitting his kids for me. Now I owe him a favour.

My anger has subsided, but I still harbour a resentment towards BFF because of her actions which I know is stupid and wrong. I wish I could be the bigger person and pretend I didn’t care, but the fact is she is my BFF and I don’t pretend with her as she doesn’t with me. We are always 100% real with each other. So this is the first fight (if you can call it that) that we’ve ever had in our friendship, and it sucks.

If there was anyone in the world who I thought I could trust wholeheartedly it was her. And again, I’m left learning the lesson that the only person you can ever trust is yourself.