Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones…

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 ‘Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones. We have to break the rules. And we have to discover the sensuality of fear. We need to face it, challenge it, dance with it.’

~ Kyra Davis ~

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Make the Effort

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Last Sunday I did a massive spring clean of my house. In the process I found my three hand written journals from 2014. Each year, since 2013, I set myself a writing challenge. This blog is 2015’s and last year it was to maintain a daily journal. When I found the journals I couldn’t help but read the first one during a cleaning break.

To say I was shocked at some of the things written would be an understatement. I’d successfully managed to put a lot of the events behind me and had, quite literally, forgotten about most. I was astounded at my unhappiness, in particular my unhappiness in relation to a few key people. However, it was most upsetting to realise that I was repeating patterns this year, something I didn’t realise I was doing, until Sunday.

In 2014 there was one person in particular who had the most negative impact on me since my ex. This person treated me poorly, like an option, when I treated them like a priority. After a tumultuous, short friendship, it ended. That was only the beginning of a year long association with arseholes who treated me poorly, and sadly it appears to be happening again to me in 2015, a few times over in fact.

So, I’ve decided to take a new approach with it all to avoid complete heartbreak again. I’ve decided to just step away, to stop making these people a priority since I am clearly an option to them. If they wish for me to be in their lives they need to make an effort. If not, jog on.

What fifteen years in a physically, emotionally and verbally abusive relationship have finally taught me is to have self respect, to understand my worth and to know when to move on from people who are impacting on my life in a negative way. I guess that’s something.

Then why do I feel like shit about it all?

Lines Depicting Simple Happiness…

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The shine on her buckle took precedence in sun
Her shine, I should say, could take me anywhere
It feels right to be up this close in tight wind
It feels right to notice all the shiny things about you
About you there is nothing I wouldn’t want to know
With you nothing is simple yet nothing is simpler
About you many good things come into relation
I think of proofs and grammar, vowel sounds, like
A is for knee socks, E for panties
I is for buttondown, O the blouse you wear
U is for hair clip, and Y your tight skirt
The music picks up again, I am the man I hope to be
The bright air hangs freely near your newly cut hair
It is so easy now to see gravity at work in your face
Easy to understand time, that dark process
To accept it as a beautiful process, your face
~ Peter Gizzi ~

Sorrow…

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Sorrow found me when I was young
Sorrow waited, sorrow won
Sorrow they put me on the pill
It’s in my honey, it’s in my milk

Don’t leave my hyper heart alone on the water
Cover me in rag and bone sympathy
‘cos I don’t wanna get over you
I don’t wanna get over you

Sorrow’s my body on the waves
Sorrow’s a girl inside my cake
I live in a city sorrow built
It’s in my honey, it’s in my milk

Don’t leave my hyper heart alone on the water
Cover me in rag and bone sympathy
‘cos I don’t wanna get over you
I don’t wanna get over you

Don’t leave my hyper heart alone on the water
Cover me in rag and bone sympathy
‘cos I don’t wanna get over you
I don’t wanna get over you

~ The National: Sorrow ~

Reading 43

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Row 1 – Flowers, Rider and Whip.

Happy news will result in minor quarrels.

Row 2 – House, Fish and Dog.

A good investment and a friend.

Row 3 – Child, Sun and Heart.

Optimistic outcomes for my child, and a love affair.

Column 1 – Flowers, House and Child.

A young girl and a house are important.

Column 2 – Rider, Fish and Sun.

News awaited that brings money and optimistic outcomes.

Column 3 – Whip, Dog and Heart.

Quarrels with a friend and lover.

Diagonal 1 – Flowers, Sun and Heart.

Happiness and optimism in my love life.

Diagonal 2 – Whip, Fish and Child.

Quarrels with my child about money.

Summary 

A week of quarrels it appears, plus of a relatively happy home life with my children despite this. News awaited will arrive and it should be happy. My love life, which is non-existent, is back in the cards as is a friend.

I am hoping happiness (Flowers) and money (Fish) win through this week as they are my key cards.

Song of the Year? Part 5…

It’s always a squeeful moment when a song drops in the last quarter of the year that blows your mind ever so slightly. This year that honour is awarded to Marcus Marr and my long-term musical crush, Chet Faker. The Trouble With Us was released last week and is a big departure from Faker’s usual brooding, vagina-melting sound. Matt and Alex from triple j said it best when they described the track as “bouncy”. It is. It has a funk to it that just makes you want to get up and dance with lyrics that are still Chet-Faker-vagina-melting-good…

Marcus Marr and Chet Faker ~ The Trouble With Us